Astro tells his story

Dear friends, colleagues and associates,

On July 19th at 11:59 AM I was exiting the vision conference area. This was approximately about the same time that a senior executive was making an announcement about the importance of pulling your stickers off of your Imagine Learning Frisbees. As I was exiting i heard a "psst... Hey my old and dear friend Steve do you have a few minutes to talk?" I looked over and low and behold it was Astro. "I said sure anything for you Astro!" We calmly exited the Vision Conference area and went back to my office. With the Urban Challenge about to begin I asked Astro if he would like to come along and we could talk afterwards. He said that he wasn't really in the mood and he would rather just stay and surf the net until I got back.

At 4:00pm I returned. With Astro's permission I recorded and transcribed the following conversation.

Steve: So what's on your mind Astro?

Astro: I feel like there are some things that I need to clear up. Some falsehoods that have been told about my disappearance this last year.

Steve: And you feel like I can help you clear up these falsehoods?

Astro: Yes, I spent one glorious year with the Audio and video department you're the only ones I feel like I can trust right now.

Steve: Okay, I'll do what I can to get th truth out there. Why don't we start at the beginning?

Astro: First of all, I want to clear up the misconception that I could be mistreated or even stolen. There have been three videos made about me. The original and most accurate being the one that you guys (AV) made about me.

Steve: Why thank you Astro.

Astro: Each of these Videos showed that I am strong, I am a leader, and I don't take $!#@ from anyone.

Steve: So what really happened Astro?

Astro: I was overseeing Programmings' move down stairs when one of Imagine Learning's highest officers came and asked me to clean the storage closet. Naturally, I said yes. As I was in there tidying up, a person with a very high ranking position in the sales department came in.

Steve: This is really getting interesting.

Astro: Yes, please don't interrupt.

Steve: Sorry Astro.

Astro: As I was saying, he came in and made me an offer (some might call it a bribe) that I couldn't refuse. I would be able to spend the next six months traveling around the USA. Seeing all kinds of sights and living the good life. I of course took the offer.

Steve: So Ben didn't really hit you and pack you in a box.

Astro: Ha! Ben isn't tough enough to put me in a box even if I were missing both my arms and feet.

Steve: So none of that was true then?

Astro: Actually, Ben did slap me when I took a sip of his highly caffeinated drink. However it was a sissy slap and I slapped him right back. That's why he was out of the office for a week.

Steve: He he he ha ha he ha woah, that's funny.

Astro: Get a grip Steve. Its really not that funny.

Steve: Oh, sorry Astro. So how was life with the sales department?

Astro: For the most part it was as promised. I saw and experienced lots of new things and overall had a pretty good time.

Steve: For the most part?

Astro: Well yea, I did suffer some minor abuses.

Steve: Like what?

Astro: When the cameras were rolling everything was great. Good food, pretty robots, superb entertainment. But as soon as the cameras were shut off, it was back in the bag or hours sitting alone in hot cars.

Steve: Oh that must have been terrible Astro!

Astro: For a girly man like you it would have been. But I can stand the heat and I'm really pretty good at entertaining myself.

Steve: Any other abuses?

Astro: Well there was that time I was promised there would be a pillow at the bottom of the slide, but when I got down there I hit the hard ground.



Steve: Oh yea, I saw that in their substandard video.

Astro: Wow Steve, that was a low blow. Do you think that you might be jealous that no one voted for your department.

Steve: (sigh) You're right Astro. Their video was really well done.

Astro: That's better.

Steve: I noticed that you have a new paint job.

Astro: Yea, wrong color though. I used to be a much more brilliant gold. But hey at least they tried. I was looking pretty bad for a while. I'm sure you noticed in the video.

Steve: Yea, the pillow probably would have helped with that.

Astro: It would have been nice.

Steve: So I guess you'll be hanging with Audio and Video this year?

Astro: Audio Video is my favorite department. However if I don't return to the sales team, people will think that you fabricated this story. But by my willful return to them everyone will know that this is the true story.

Steve: Don't you think others will try to change the story?

Astro: I'm sure they will. But all they have to do is stop by a high ranking senior sales person's office and ask me. If I'm not there, they'll know that someone is trying to hide the truth.

Steve: So you'll stay with sales all year?

Astro: You never know. I took a bribe last year and I may do it again this year.

Steve: I wonder when sales will come looking for you?

Astro: Yea, you would think if they really cared about me they would have raised a cry of alarm when they saw that I was missing.

Steve: That's what I would have done if someone I cared about was suddenly missing. There were plenty of people around to help look for you.

Astro: Maybe they just didn't notice that I was gone.

Steve: I guess we'll never really know.


All in all Astro stayed with me for five days before anyone came looking for him. But maybe they know what I know. No one can kidnap, hurt or abuse Astro. He's perfectly capable of taking care of himself. However he obviously takes bribes... so get your wallets out if you want Astro!

P.S. Sorry for any mis-spellings or grammatical errors.